


Only Us

by kstarlight



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Angelic things, Angst, Crying, Dark Angels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lee Felix is a sweetheart, Light Angels, M/M, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29380116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kstarlight/pseuds/kstarlight
Summary: Felix wants Jisung to love himself for everything he is, not everything he’s expected to be.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	Only Us

**Author's Note:**

> This was spontaneously written when I should’ve been paying attention to remote classes... Purely self indulgent and kind of cheesy, but it was comforting for me to write and I love jilix a lot. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Dusk calls later in April, and the balance between day and night pushes back to at least six pm.

This time always gives the forbidden friends the chance to see each other in a way not as consequentially compromising as trying to meet in the midst of broad daylight or at the stroke of the midnight hour, which are essentially the only true options for each of them. Those rules don't mean much to either of them anymore.

The field hidden towards the center of the forest is vacant as always, cast in nothing but soft, rose gold tinted hues of the watercolor canvas in the sky, where the sun hangs above the landscape like it's the end all be all of brilliance at the earths edge.

The blades of freshly grown spring grass are hearty and soft, a striking sea of emerald green, but a floral scent rather than that of tangy ocean sea salt carries from the garden rows through a light breeze.

From a distance, Jisung watches Felix as the boy looks for the sunniest part of the field to lay down on, with his wings spread out behind him, white as snow and undeniably beautiful. His silver bangs fall over his forehead when he falls back, and his eyes peek out from behind them to catch a glimpse of the sunset. He's always on time, if not early, when they make plans to meet. It's easier for Felix to excuse himself from returning to heaven before dark, as opposed to Jisung trying to escape the duties of hell before it's even close to night. But he's never missed an evening, and he thinks that counts for something.

The closer he gets to Felix, the faster his heart beats, thrumming towards the base of his throat. His dark wings shiver where he's gathered them up behind his back.

Jisung's seen Felix so many times, though the impact of his angelic nature has not yet washed away. His tan skin dusted in flecks of gold always stands out more beautifully in the path of the sun, especially the ones on his cheeks. He's been told they're called freckles, but Jisung likes to think of them as stars, a map of constellations across the younger boy's face.

He could talk about them for hours, but he'd also have to mention that Felix's eyes are not just brown, but actually a more syrupy amber color. In the sun, various specks of color in Felix's irises jump out at Jisung, attention seeking, captivating, and pretty in an unconventional yet intoxicating way, kind of like everything else about him.

It would be petty to say he's jealous, rather he just feels inadequate. Felix shines, and Jisung, he simply does not.

He comes up on the boy now, his shadow casts on the grass next to Felix's relaxed form and the shade of his wings blanket his face, causing him to look up. His eyes widen with excitement as he scrambles into a seated position. His eyes crinkle into his charming smiles.

"You're here!" Felix chirps.

"Of course I am," Jisung sits across from him, offering a half hearted grin.

It doesn't meet his eyes, not tonight, in fact, it hasn't for a few nights. It's not disingenuous, but his heart's not in the right place to match the blithe height of everything that Felix is.

Of course, the other would have to notice.

"Is something wrong?" Felix lays a hand over his knee.

Jisung's wings tense and shrink in on his back a little more, the feathery tips swaying in the breeze.

"Just tired," He lies, faking a yawn to try and win the innocent natured angel over. But even if his friend can be naive sometimes, one of his strengths is seeing through Jisung, as if he's a mere glass box under his speculation.

"Something else seems wrong," Felix frowns.

"It isn't," Jisung bites defensively, only for his heart to sink.

He hates this bittersweet feeling coiled around him lately. He hates how it's so natural for him to push people away, even unintentionally. He hates how Felix is too good for him, and still sticks around, and he hates how much he wants to hold on to him even if it will get them both hurt or in trouble one day. He hates that he's selfish. He hates the amount of things he can pour hatred into, almost as much he hates himself for being nothing more than someone who ruins everything.

The frown on Felix's face is another thing he decides he hates. Nobody like Felix should ever look so dejected, and of course it's his fault.

"I guess you don't have to tell me," Felix removes his hand in resign. "I just care about you. I'd like it if you could trust me a little more."

Jisung pales. "I do trust you!"

"Then why?" Felix snaps. Jisung winces, unsuspecting of such a lack of composure in the younger. "Why does it feel like the more we see each other the farther apart we get? You've been acting strange all week, but I thought eventually you'd talk about it. I hoped you would. I thought we left the distance of our kind behind us.."

Jisung can feel pressure building behind his eyes. Perhaps his _kind_ may have something to do with this so called distance between them, but certainly not for reasons he thinks.

"Lixie, you have to know that's not true," Jisung holds his hand out, receiving nothing in return.He withdraws the offer, fiddling his fingers together anxiously.

This isn't how he wants to be spending his time with Felix, not fighting. He could blame it on the other for how determined he is to push and get his way, but he could also take some blame. He thinks he'd be upset too if something were wrong with Felix that the other refused to say.

"I don't know what I know anymore," Felix whispers.

Jisung lets his head bow guiltily.

They don't speak for a while.

It's too quiet and unnerving. The sun continues to set and the temperature drops. Jisung watches Felix curl in on himself, gathering his knees to his chest, tucked safely under his chin, and his white wings that are often out proudly now slump over his shoulders in a low and protective stance.

All Jisung can think is how badly he wants to reach out, to hug him, to tell him it's okay, and just say what he's really thinking and feeling and what he wants, finally for the first time in his life. But what he wants, or who he wants, will never want him back. 

"Your thoughts are loud," Felix breaks their silent streak and sends a very non threatening glare to the side.

"Sorry," Jisung glowers, and by nature his wings uncurl as he tries to relax.

Felix's glare softens as he watches the dark feathers unfold and ruffle through the breeze as Jisung attempts to get comfortable. He's enamored by them.

Felix is used to his own wings, to his kind, to the the stereotypes. Angels in heaven are pure, dark angels in hell are not. Take it or leave it.

Why? It's never made sense to Felix, a judge of character based on the mere color of one's wings. Wings that, no matter if they're black or white, are beautiful and complex, more than an image, but a vital source of life. A means of not only travel, but a symbol of warmth and protection, safety. They're more than something to just see, and whom they belong to are more than someone to judge.

"You don't let your wings out often," Felix says dazedly, admiring the tint of Jisung's raven like wings.

The observation makes Jisung blush, leaning back to turn away from him and stare towards the fading sliver of the sun instead. His black as night wings catch a glimpse of the leftover light, and in it's path undertones of purple can also be seen in each of his feathers, standing out under the dimming day.

"They're beautiful," Felix unfurls his own wings and sits up on his knees.

Jisung turns back, smiling sadly.

"They're nothing like yours."

Felix frowns. "My wings are plain white and boring, but yours are pretty. They're rich, dark and yet not dull. The purple highlights stand out nicely in the sun. It kind of reminds me of your hair! But that has more blueish undertones."

Jisung nods, but he wouldn't know. Dark angels are not out in the sun often, really ever.

"I guess?" He fiddles with the grass beneath his hands.

Felix shuffles closer. With childlike innocence and curiosity he reaches out, but ever so considerate, his his hand hesitates before the top of Jisung's wings and he looks to him.

"Can I touch them?"

Jisung bites his lip to think about it, but he already knows his answer when his chest caves in at the sight of Felix's doe eyes. He's practically compelled to grant him permission.

Felix's small hand traces over each feather delicately, and his fingertips tickle over their slightly frayed edges.

Honestly it feels nice, especially since this kind of contact is a rarity to Jisung. His wings tense slightly under the touch, but there's a smile on his face, reassuring the other that it's okay.

"Your wings are soft, but sensitive. Have you never had someone touch them before?" Felix laughs. He's joking, but even so, the angel of darkness doesn't budge.

"No," Jisung deadpans, no sign of teasing laced through his tone.

At that, Felix recoils. "What?"

Jisung gives him a funny look and tilts his head, lips quirked.

"Nobody in hell cares about our wings. We're just dark angels. We- well, they care about playing the part. About being evil, mean, reigning havoc of earth, messing with the heavens, all that superficial stuff. Their priorities don't include having the most nurturing personalities," Jisung waves his hand in the air as a display of his distain.

"But you don't care about that stuff," Felix says knowingly, a certain expression on his face. "I don't think you do.."

"No. I don't," Jisung agrees.

"That's why you're here with me," Felix continues, earning a shy glance from the boy. "Because you're different from the rest. Like me."

"How are you different?" Jisung perplexes. "You're unique, sure, but you're also perfect. You're pure and beautiful, sweet, kind hearted, you have the most infuriatingly attractive face and freckles that look like the stars and your voice is like honey. It's just not fair. You're an angel, Lix. A _real_ angel."

Felix purses his lips, taking his words in with a pensive stare. Jisung ignores the heat rising up the back of his neck, trying to compensate for the amount of compliments he just spewed out, which surely having nothing to do with his personal feelings rather than observation.

Those are merely noticeable things about Felix, not details Jisung obsesses over.

"Don't take my word for it, but if that's you're reasoning than you're only stating facts about who I am, Sungie. I am an angel, the kind with innately pure intentions, too many emotions and a soft heart, freckles on my face and wings as white as snow. Maybe that fits some textbook definition of the perfect angel, but I'm not only that," Felix shakes his head firmly and continues.

"Because the perfect angel from heaven wouldn't find excuses to stay on earth past daylight hours, which goes against all rules, and do it for an angel of darkness. But that's not how I see things. I don't see my appreciation and likeness for you as a rebellious act. I see that we're both different, a lot different from the kind of people we're expected to be by birth given status, and both of us are way more unique than either of our kinds could ever comprehend. We connect better together than with anyone else."

Jisung's never heard Felix so serious before. He parts his lips to reply, but his brain is still playing catch up to his words, among other things.

The realization that the sun is now fully set dawns on Jisung, and Felix is still sitting here, basking in the moonlight with him, a surely punishable act if they were to be caught. Even in the dark his white wings glow, his eyes sparkle, and the constellations on his cheeks look a lot more like fairy dust in this faint setting as opposed to in the sun.

"Sungie," Felix starts, and Jisung relaxes, the weight of expectations to say something intelligent rolls off his shoulders the minute he looks to him. "I don't know what's wrong, or why you seem so sad lately, but if it has anything to do with this feeling that you're in the wrong place, because you're different, and you're not enough as you are or not enough to be who you truly know you are meant to be, then please don't worry about that."

A layer of tears slowly gathers over Jisung's eyes, turning his vision blurry. Felix grabs one of his hands and laces their fingers together.

"I see you, Jisung, for exactly who you are."

A single tear rolls down his cheek, his breath catches in his throat. But he can't blink, he can't take his eyes away from the genuine face of Felix before him, and then his tears overflow entirely, spilling down his face like the edge of a waterfall.

Felix coos and hurriedly gathers him into his arms, broadening his wing span to cover them both, protecting Jisung's wings beneath his own for divine warmth and comfort.

Naturally, Jisung feels secure. He feels seen, he feels heard, he feels loved, for once, like he's something more than what the world expects him to be.He’s not meant to be cold and heartless, he doesn’t like the concept of evil or even good being inherent, there has to be both on this world for all to be moral. But he knows deep down he is more good than bad, even when the world may say otherwise.

He is too afraid to accept what he's been told can never be his. An angel of darkness can never be accepted by an angel from heaven. He can’t forget that unless he wants to know the pain of loss. It would hurt far less to lose something he doesn't fully intend to claim for himself, right? What he doesn't know cannot hurt him.

"Lix," Jisung sniffles, trying to catch his breath through his cries. "I don't deserve you. I'm not- I- I'm ugly, tainted, and undeserving of goodness and you could never, ever care for someone like me."

Felix holds him tighter. "But I do."

Jisung shakes his head against his chest, and his tears soak through the shoulder of Felix’s white dress shirt.

"You shouldn't,” He croaks.

Felix doesn't say anything for a while, he just sways side to side while Jisung cries out all that he's been holding in on his own for too long.

When his tears subside to hitches of breath and pitiful sniffles, Felix lets him sit up, but doesn't give up their skinship. He slides his hands to his face and cups both his cheeks cheeks with warm palms, wiping any trails of his tears away tenderly with his thumbs.

Jisung's eyes remain downcast, ashamed and embarrassed. Any angel of darkness would make a mockery of his emotions. Consolation would be the farthest thing from what he'd be bound to receive in hell.

"Hey," Felix whispers, using his hands to guide the brunettes head up. "You can't tell me not to love you, Jisung."

The wind knocks out of Jisung's lungs, and he's frozen.

"You- you what?" Jisung trembles.

Felix seems to realize what he's said only too late. He lowers his hands and sits back, taking a shaky deep breath.

"I love you..." He sounds a lot less sure of himself than before. He's not doubting his confession, but rather his impulse to say it.

It's sudden, unexpected, and it feels like a dream, but if it is Jisung doesn't want it to fade away when he opens his eyes. So he holds on, reaching out blindly to grab Felix's hand, but it's pretty dark and he gets his wrist instead. It's enough to pull him closer though, startling him as their faces become a mere inch apart.

"I love you too," Jisung quivers. "And not because you love me, or because of what just happened, I have loved you, Felix. I will continue to love you and that absolutely terrifies me, because I am not meant to love or be loved. But I love you, so much.”

Felix blinks as a faint, lovesick smile coats his face.

"Really?"

"Yes," Jisung can't help but smile too. "But with the way I am, I thought it would be unfair. You're too kind to reject me, but I knew you couldn't see me the way I see you, and I didn't want to lose you as a friend. I can't lose you, Lixie."

"You're not losing me," Felix presses their foreheads together and closes his eyes. "You're everything. I mean that. I need you, Sungie."

Their eyes open at the same time, and they pull back enough to fully see each other's faces.

Their hands find one another's in their laps, holding tight and brushing over each other's knuckles with gentle touches.

"You're beautiful, Jisung. I'll tell you every day. I love you exactly for who you are."

"I love you exactly for who you are too," Jisung promises. "With you I feel like we only ever have to be us. Just us."

"You're right," Felix sits back to take the older in.

Jisung squirms subconsciously, feeling far too admired and drowned in the praise that shines from Felix's bright eyes. He's never loved himself, not for who he thinks he's supposed to be, and especially not for the way he looks. But now that Felix knows, he'll never be allowed to entertain such thoughts again.

"You're an angel of your own kind, Jisung. My angel."

Jisung preens at the thought. His angel. Felix's angel. And Felix will be his.

It's messy when they lean in for a kiss. Their lips slot together with zero precision, and their hands grasp for purchase in one another's shirts, keeping their bodies as close together as they can be. Felix's lips are supple, Jisung's a bit chapped, and their ministrations are nothing skilled, noses bumping occasionally, but it’s definitely their own unique way of showing how badly they want each other. How much they love each other.

They pull away, breathless and overwhelmed by love.

Felix smiles.

"Just us," He whispers against Jisung's lips.

The angel of darkness has never dreamed of a feeling this angelic, he's never entertained the rush of this tingling sensation he’s heard can work it's way through ones veins when they’re utterly infatuated and in love. It can only be explained by his connection to Felix.

Jisung cups Felix's face and leans in to peck his forehead, lips curved in a fond smile, and when he pulls away with hopeful eyes, he sees the stars reflecting back at him in Felix's. He wants to savor it for the rest of his life.

Just them.

Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Reminders:  
> Please take care of yourself, and be kind to your mind and body, and if nobody has told you recently I’m proud of you for being here and I love you. ♡


End file.
